Shiloh's Story
My husband and I have been trying to have a baby for over nine years. Our journey has been filled with highs and devastating lows. My first loss was in 2014, at 20 weeks. We lost our daughter due to an "incompetent cervix." You can read more about that experience here.
After that trauma, we believed we had the knowledge needed to move forward with another pregnancy. When we decided to try again, I became pregnant right away. At 16 weeks, I had a cerclage placed to prevent a dynamic cervix, hoping it would make all the difference.
The Anatomy Scan
During the anatomy scan at around 18 weeks, we received heartbreaking news: our baby had Congenital Diaphragmatic Hernia (CDH). This rare condition involves a hole in the diaphragm, which allows organs to move into the chest cavity, impacting lung development. The probability of our daughter surviving was less than 50%.
Despite the odds, we clung to hope. Every two weeks, we closely monitored her lung and organ development. It was a rollercoaster of emotions, but we remained steadfast in our love and faith.
The Cerclage Removal
At 38 weeks, my cerclage was removed. Considering my history, my doctors believed removing it at that time was best. But my body had other plans. I waited and waited, but labor didn’t start naturally. At nearly 40 weeks, I was induced.
I labored and pushed for as long as I could. Our baby girl was still safe in my womb, but eventually, the doctors decided a C-section was necessary. That was the last time I was able to naturally carry a pregnancy.
Meeting Shiloh
Our daughter, Shiloh, was born. She was beautiful and strong, a little fighter who filled our hearts with love. But just three weeks later, we had to say goodbye. She passed away, and our world crumbled. I will never forget her sweet face or the strength she showed in her short life.
My Journey through loss and hope:
My healing journey
Unless you’ve lost a child, it’s impossible to understand the depth of that grief. After Shiloh’s passing, doctors advised me to wait before trying to conceive again. While I didn’t want to replace her, I longed to hear the sound of a baby in our home.
The first three weeks after Shiloh’s passing were a whirlwind of physical and emotional pain. I was recovering from a C-section that became infected, managing the grief of losing my baby, and dealing with the unexpected heartbreak of producing milk without a baby to feed. On top of that, I was going through postpartum recovery but didn’t know how to manage it. At the time, my sole focus was on keeping Shiloh alive, doing whatever it took. My own needs and struggles felt secondary to the hope that she might survive.
Shiloh was on ECMO (a life-support machine) during her short life, and I often felt helpless. My husband was my rock, but even he carried the heavy burden of planning our daughter’s funeral while I was still in the hospital recovering.
Looking back, I realize how much trauma I endured during that time. It’s a journey through loss and hope I never imagined I’d walk, but it has shaped me in ways I’m still uncovering.
If you’ve experienced loss or know someone who has, you’re not alone. I’ve created this platform to honor these journeys and provide a space where every story matters. Check out some resources to help with Postpartum after loss and subscribe for the latest updates.
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